The Tattoo is Unimportant

Make me that cupcake and I will stay with you for the rest of my life. Verdict: MARRY HER

HUSBAND – not a cross post

I’m getting a resurrection, and it’s in my pants. This is the elusive fuckable and datable, based solely on the ink mashed into the skin of someone’s body. When in doubt, blasphemy is… Continue reading

Rub Your Bone On Mine

Black light? YES. Unobtrusive, but totally biological and awesome? Yes, plz. Thanks skeleton-boy. We will take that boner hand hard. Thanks. Verdict: Totes fuckable

Surf’s up!

Let’s set the mood: you’re at a bar, you’re looking for someone to go home with, and you run into THIS GUY. Is a surfing, rocking-out Bowser enough to get him laid? Perhaps.… Continue reading

Query

Gentle reader, let me ask you a question. What if you were licking someone’s breasts and then suddenly you were licking a dog with antler ears? Would you feel weird about that? I… Continue reading

WINNER DING DING DING

Squids are automatically fuckable. They’re fuckable, and they’re fuckable hard. Also, weird beetles and shit and not flat ironing your hair. Hi, I like your squid and you’re beautiful. Verdict: Totes fuckable

SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR

Let’s play the cliche game again! 1. Key to his heart 2. Razor blade 3. Sparrow 4. Anchor 5. Sacred Heart 6. Flower And you know he flat irons his fucking hair. Verdict:… Continue reading

Mountain Don’t

Product placement is NOT fuckable. Verdict: Not fuckable

Like Where’s Waldo, but More Fun For Adults

Let’s play a game. It’s called ‘Count the Cliches in This Picture.’ 1. Asian-inspired flower. FAIL. 2. Barbed wire. FAIl. 3. Skull. FAIL. 4. Asian-inspired waves. FAIL. And that’s all that’s visible. Imagine… Continue reading

Something Smells Fishy and I Don’t Mean Your Laday

If you’re going to get a tattoo that’s as cliched as Koi fish, at least make sure it’s really fucking well done. Well done, artist. You’ve done your best not to limit the… Continue reading