the many faces of tattoo Jesus
We’ve passed 100,000 views! A million zillion thanks to everyone who’s stopped by this ridiculous blog in their internet stumblings! Jesus has always been a big favorite around these parts, so I thought a closer look at a few of the many faces of this particular tattooed deity would be a fitting tribute to y’all.
So let’s start with the ugly, shall we?
God, what the hell happened to YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR’S FACE? That’s not what faces look like. Your God looks like the fucking missing link – I’m pretty sure he’s near the middle of this chart. Does he have a couple of eyebrow piercings and tattoo? I guess Neanderthal Jesus is pretty hip.
Verdict: Not fuckable
Ok, your Jesus is an eleven-year-old’s watercolor painting.
Verdict: Not fuckable
Better? There’s some basic perspective and shading happening here, but his lips still look like they came off a mummy from the 23rd Dynasty. Don’t believe me? Check it out:
Verdict: Not fuckable. Look, I love ancient Egypt at least almost as much as the average person, but damn do I want lips like that pressing against me if our arms bump together? No, not really. Also it freaks me out that this Jesus has no neck.
And now for something slightly weirder, but brimming with character:
Zombie Jesus clutches at his heart and ponders the deliciousness of your brains while your pray – he’s probably a multitasker, despite having lower brain functioning capabilities due to being a zombie.
Verdict: I don’t really want to fuck this, but I respect it.
It’s a zombie. It’s a fish. It’s the god-man who saved your soul! I don’t understand this tattoo but good lord, it is wonderful.
Verdict: Totes fuckable
If you’re going to get a tattoo the face of the man you believe to be god on your body, this is totally the way to go – that is some seriously incredible work on the eyes. And the stubble. And the soft focus. This is really just a solid piece of tattoo work all around.
Verdict: Totes fuckable, but you should really thank your tattoo artist every time you wake up in the morning (and probably before you fall asleep every night for good measure.)
What say you, tramps? Would you let any of these Jesus-bearing folks touch your naughty bits?